LVE's saturday sinopedia: squatter, the

Squatter, The

You know how it is when you have been on planes for as long as you can remember? Well, that’s how it was coming over here for me. First leg: Houston to Denver. Second leg: Denver to L.A. Third leg: L.A. to Guangzhou, China (and that leg was a pretty long leg!). And as that last plane is landing and the stewardess is asking you to “please, fasten your seat belts and make sure all tray tables and seat backs are in their upright and locked position” you realize that not once during the whole flight did you go to the bathroom. And at that point you are cursing yourself for not having thought of it before.

You find yourself in the customs line. People are giving you strange looks because for some inexplicable reason you are very bouncy. The sign for the bathroom is taunting you from the other side of customs. Naturally, a line has never moved so slowly in your life.

At long last you are next in line! You show the man your passport and sprint to the restroom. You shut yourself into a stall and lo and behold:

Welcome to China! It is The Squatter.

Oh, The Squatter! ‘Tis but a hole in the ground. This was not, however, my first experience with The Squatter. We were first introduced in Morocco. Our first day, our tour guide took us aside at a truck stop. She squatted down on the grass, put her elbows on her knees and said, “do as I am doing.” We looked at each other questioningly and slowly lowered ourselves into a squat position. She said, “very good. Now get used to it. This is how you will be going to the bathroom for the rest of the trip.”

And so I came to China as prepared as I could have been for The Squatter. If someday you come to China for the first time, make sure you practice. It takes some getting used to.

Stay tuned for next week's LVE's Saturday Sinopedia article: China Squat, The (N.B. Not to be confused with The Squatter)